Arthur

Yesterday, my district of missionaries headed off to their missions in South Carolina and San Antonio.  It was one more reminder that my time at the MTC is quickly coming to a close.  I will only be teaching one more district before I leave for good.  I will deal with those thoughts/emotions when the time comes.  I realized that I am 7 years older than the average missionary I teach, which makes me feel uncomfortable about the amount of time that has passed since I was in their shoes.  In accordance with what the youth are doing today, we took our district picture in the "selfie" pose.

L to R: Elder Adkins, Sister Johnson, Sister Smith, Elder Gajkowski, Elder Webb, Me, Sister Stidham, Sister Clawson

As part of my job at the MTC, certain missionaries teach me as I role play the part of an investigator.  They set up teaching appointments, and when they knock on the door of the classroom I am in, I go into character.  I do not break character the entire time they are teaching me.  I do what the investigator would do, say what he would say, and react to their message like the investigator would react.  Now, I am not a trained actor, but the experience is generally effective in helping simulate a meaningful teaching experience for the missionaries.  We have always been instructed to take on the role of someone that we know personally, so that our role play is as authentic as possible.  Most teachers take on the role of someone that they taught on their mission, and that is what I have done for the past three and a half years with my missionaries.  Until this district.  

Knowing that this might be my last district (It hadn't been confirmed at the time that I would teach one more), I decided that for the first time, I would take on the role of my grandfather.  Not to get sappy, but I thought about it carefully, because I wanted to make sure that the missionaries had good experiences, and that it didn't just become some self-serving, cathartic trip down memory lane.  So, when Sister Johnson & Sister Clawson knocked on the door for the first time, they met Arthur Walker.

The last picture of Grandpa and me before his passing.

I feel like I know quite a bit about my grandpa's conversion story.  He was baptized when he was 70, but had been attending church, and basically living like a member would for years and years.  I knew some concerns/doubts I could incorporate into the "character" as the sisters taught me, and gave answers to some of their questions that I thought that he would give, or in a lot of cases, that I had actually heard him give in similar real-life conversations.  It was a great experience for them and for me.  

Obviously the work I do at the MTC is very spiritual in nature for me.  All of the activities revolve around the principle of Heavenly Father teaching his missionaries through the Spirit.  There is no way to teach them everything they need to know before they hit the field, but if they can leave the MTC knowing where they can look to for the answers they need, and have had tangible experiences doing just that, I consider it a success.

As I have done this role play activity, I have learned that the Spirit guides me as a teacher just as much as the missionaries.  It has led me to ask certain questions, respond specific ways, and even feel distinct feelings all in the context of the "character".  It was those experiences as I played my grandpa that made the experience so great for me.  During the lessons, I felt things I didn't think I would feel, or didn't know Grandpa would have felt.  My simple concern about the validity of Joseph Smith as a prophet was suddenly accompanied by a more complex worry, and even intense guilt, for a failed marriage, Jim, and the pressures, responsibilities, and expectations of being a step-father.  I really felt like I walked a step or two in his shoes.

Now, I fully understand and am content with the fact that maybe Grandpa didn't say everything I said to the sisters, and maybe some of the feelings I felt or motivations I used weren't exactly how his conversion took place.  Honestly, it doesn't actually matter to me.  I didn't walk out of the experience thinking that I had discovered something that nobody else knew about my grandpa.  I did walk away with a greater appreciation and perspective for who he was, and what he went through.  I knew him the last quarter of his life, once he was weathered, and had been refined by a lot of his experiences.  I heard stories, but never had a mature conversation with him about his regrets and lessons learned regarding his relationships.  This  activity allowed me a glimpse of maybe what a conversation like that would have produced.  

I know that Heavenly Father knows His children.  God lives.  He loves Grandpa.  He loves me.  He loves Sister Clawson & Sister Johnson.  He loves you.  The MTC has afforded me unique opportunities and experiences, and I am grateful for the Spirit that dwells in those walls.